Osiris's Last Latch
""But... why is it so important to you?" "Oh I don't know how you deal with all that," These are things I've heard countless times during my second baby's first year," said Jordi.
"Breastfeeding has always been something that I have been very passionate about. It was something I considered a great accomplishment with my first, I was able to feed him exclusively for 15 months. The bond we shared was so precious to me, and now at 6 years old we are still very close."
"In my time as a single mother with my first child, after we weaned I decided to treat myself to a breast augment and lift. I was not at the time thinking of being married or having more children, and my surgeon had told me that since I had such a great success nursing my first before having my surgery, that I had a good chance at still being able to breastfeed a possible future child."
"Flash forward three quick years later. A new baby and many more new experiences. Osiris made his way into this world at a whopping 9.5 pounds and I made it my goal to make sure he didn't lose more of his birth weight than he needed to. We nursed, painfully and (not to my knowledge) shallowly. He never seemed full in the way I was used to seeing. During his newborn photos he wouldn't stay asleep, he simply wasn't getting full enough from nursing to get sleepy. We made weekly and bi-weekly appointments to visit a lactation consultant. "
"At home I pumped and pumped and took every supplement, tea, or snack that I could, and I chugged water. Between nursing and pumping every two hours, making milk consumed my every thought and action. I was losing patience and the nights of lost sleep were catching up to me. He was two weeks old when I realized we needed to finally supplement for the first time with formula, he just wasn't gaining weight like he should. I held the bottle for him and as I heard him gulping, I cried. The guilt was a heavy blanket on my heart, as he barely made a similar sound when he'd nurse from me."
"My first experience using donor milk was from my best friend, she had a baby just four months older than Osiris. She was exclusively pumping and had gathered quite a plentiful stash over time. She offered some of her milk to us, and that was the start of a very loving and humbling experience for me as a mother. He took to her milk better than he had been taking to the formula. Soon after I discovered the Human Milk for Human Babies network, so many wonderful women who were willing to donate their extra milk to babies in need. "
"Here we are at 15 months, this was the stopping point with my first baby, I don't see the end in sight just yet but I know it's coming. It took many months but I redefined what I considered 'normal'. I give him whatever I can from my body and our local milk donor who I've befriended picks up where I leave off. Don't beat yourself up. Redefine your normal. That's what put peace in my heart and helped me begin to enjoy this experience."
Jordi, thank you so much for sharing your story. If you or someone you know would like to share, please fill out the contact form on the home page to set up a FREE Last Latch session.